Posts Tagged ‘Videos’

7 Psychologically Scaring Music Videos

Posted: February 5, 2009 by pred3000 in Uncategorized
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The music video is ultimately a commercial for the song.  If it is good, then it will help showcase the artists’ talents and style.  Some even become cultural icons…how many people can do the Thriller Dance?  Yet, these are not good videos.  These are seven videos that will really fuck with your head and ultimately end in you wondering what the hell they were thinking.

Paula Abdul-Opposites Attract-Don’t let the catchy music throw you…this one is a weird one.  Namely, the presence of that cat that Paula seems to be obsessed with having sex with.  The song even spends the entire time talking about how they are not made for each other, but completely disregards the fact that it’s a cat.  I mean, a cat.  I don’t know any Roger Rabbit fetishists out there, but I guess they might dig this.  Maybe.

Michael Jackson-Black or White (Long Version)-The shortened version of this is perfectly fine.  But you know Jackson…he always has to leave us cowering in a fetal position.  Basically, it ends with him morphing into a panther, making screeching noises, and throwing stuff.  All in a dark alley.  I mean, come on.  It gets almost embarrassing to watch.  And then Bart and Homer Simpson show up for no reason.  Seriously, this is some sort of bizarre dream.  And, Michael, dancing with no music is just wrong.

Mick Jagger and David Bowie-Dancing in the Street-The sexual tension in the video is just staggering.  And considering that the tension is between Mick Jagger and David Bowie.  That is hideous.  Just hideous.  You can’t help but picturing them fucking, and then feeling really horrible about it.  Plus, their choreography is just plain awkward, which immediately makes you think of their conversation the next morning.  Dammit, what did we do to deserve this?

Britney Spears-Everytime-AKA the one where she cuts her wrists.  Yea, nothing traumatic at all.  Basically, she’s trying to play the troubled rock star who wants to be reincarnated.  Well, that’s already been done.  Many times.  So basically we’re just left with America’s dirtiest sweetheart on a suicidal bender.  And then they try to play it off as one of her dreams.  Yea, nice save.  I suddenly want to watch Spongebob until I’m happy again.

Madonna-Justify My Love-One of the few videos MTV ever banned, and with good reason.   This is trying to emulate a film by Andy Warhol, but will just end up making anyone watching it feel incredibly sleazy.  And frankly, the black and white doesn’t help.  I mean, what the hell was this?  It starts off like one of those erotic dreams until ending with something that no man would dare want.

Queen-I Want to Break Free-OK, how many people here knew Freddie Mercury was gay?  Alright, hands down, hands down.  But he’s still one of the greatest frontmen ever, right?  Yea, yea, I hear you.  But who wants to see him hang out with his gay friends and vacuum their house and then watch interpretive dancing?  No one?  Anyone?  Well then, you understand why this video doesn’t work.  Because you see exactly this.  Seriously, just go back to watching the Bohemian Rhapsody video and try to forget this exists.

Robbie Williams-Rock DJ-Like Black or White, this doesn’t really become bad until the very end.  Until then, its pretty typical.  He just surrounds himself with some hot women, gyrates, and disrobes.  No, this doesn’t become bad until the last third of the video (around 3:03).  Apparently, in order to get a woman’s attention, a man must really strip.  By which I mean, his skin, muscles, genitals, everything. Women only dance with blood covered skeletons, apparently.  They also apprently like catching muscles in their mouths and rubbing them all over their bodies. And let’s not even mention the psychological implications.  I mean, the man rips off his junk to gain a woman’s attention.  Everything I’ve heard states other ways.  Plus, the effects are really well done which makes the whole thing that much worse.

Nine Inch Nails-Happiness in Slavery- Oh.  My.  Sweet.  Jesus.  Seriously, that’s all I can think.  This is my favorite band, and yet…wow.  Just wow.  I think I need to go cry.   Basically, it’s about a man who worships a machine that kills him. Well, kills is to light.  More like stabs him, slices him, grinds him into a paste, and uses him as fertilizer.  I mean….do I need to say anything more?  OK, this was supposedly part of a short film they were doing that is supposedly even more traumatic.  I mean…ok, I am just going to post the link now. Actually, no, I won’t.  Look it up for yourselves, you sick bastards.