Archive for June, 2012


We apologize for the month between each article. What with packing and moving twice and visiting the place that KT is going to live and handling a breakup with the [insert typical vicious derogatory term here], the ability to be funny is waning quite a lot. However, one thing we have not done in a while that always brings the funny is to go into our search terms to see what depravity brings people to this website. And let us tell you…the people who link here are messed up in the brain. Please enjoy the fifth installment of what can charitably be called the most long-running series on this site.
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why do teenage girls become wayward?: I would assume that it’s because teenage girls are a discontinued lipgloss flavor away from a complete psychological meltdown at every single point in the day.

they are you antsy furniture ny and my bro mass of hudson mass: If I could even decipher this, I would attempt to answer it. As it stands right now, the best I can interpret this as is someone from the northeast region of the US being an absolute retard, not like it takes a whole lot.

sloopy titts videos: Sloopy titts? I could understand ‘sloppy tits’ but sloopy tits is more along the lines of asking if I know where to buy a small boat and how to rename it…with videos.

petroleum vodka: Grigor isn’t dead!

“dick into emma watson”: I really hope this happened after she was eighteen. Actually, if I’m being honest, I was really hoping this wouldn’t be a search term at all. Although at this point, Emma Watson would kind of be like winning a gold medal after missing out on the Special Olympics. Or is that too harsh?

gay boy dan eats gas: What. The. Fuck. Is. This. There is so, SO much wrong with this search term that I just frankly don’t want to know about.

anal beads cereal: Quick! To the patent office!

skyrim one arm bigger than the other: The funniest part about this one isn’t that it’s probably referring to the Skyrim characters being Self-Pleasure Geniuses, but the fact that this particular search – with different phrasing – appears no less than FIVE MORE TIMES in the search records for this site. Apparently, we are the top of the top with Skyrim masturbators. I’m…proud?

how to write like a girl teenager: At first look, this appears pretty innocuous. If you read into it, though, it sounds more like a ephebophile looking to pick up some tips to prey on innocent young…I assume boys but who the hell knows with those freaks?

how to make something for marsturbating rough: The insistence on rough masturbation troubles me. I don’t know why my readers apparently hate their dicks but it’s common enough to be a relatively normal search term. Let me be clear: do not rip up your penis with rough jacking off.

how to fuck my wife in skyrim: Again, not an uncommon search term. I got a ‘bang my wife’ one with this as well. Apparently, there are guys out there that really want to have virtual sex with video game characters. But then again, I can’t really judge since my porn library at this point rivals the Library of Congress.

instantmonkeysonline: HOW IS THIS A NEED?!

wayward prayer teenage girl This is getting a little strange. The wayward thing is apparently more of a fetish than I was aware of.

pornstar nan binya: I know Priya Anjali Rai if that makes you feel any better…Nan Binya is a stranger to me.

mighty morphin power rangers monsters who eat the power rangers: If this had happened, don’t you think that the (apparently) King of P.R. trivia would have known about it? No, I don’t think that happened. No, I don’t think you’re okay for asking about it.

sex eating cat song: Is this trying to relate eating cats and sex? Or is it about eating sex and is sung by cats? There is so much that this asks.

saints katrina bullshit: Ah, Colts fans.

“abortion session” fucked: …I don’t even know what to say about this one except that I’m disturbed. Is this talking about after-abortion sex? I really hope not…

nuttin bitch cereal picture: I cannot even explain how badly I want to see this picture they are asking about. I don’t know if they mean the cereal is called ‘Nuttin Bitch’ or what…it’s hilarious to think about though.

jani lane memorabilia near boston: This is very specific. Also, it’s incredibly morbid. At least they aren’t wanting to get his skin or something.

scorpions song beginning with horns: There’s a song that Scorpions did with brass? Am I going to fall in love with them more or is this a lie?

metal baby in the womb: I know this probably refers to what the article was about with the baby that loves metal music but it’s funnier to think of like a plate-metal baby sitting and gestating, occasionally sending off electrical sparks as it floats.

baby eats metal: Okay, I take that back. This is a whole lot funnier.

cartoon video where bin laden is killed by a sniper and pissed on by superfly: This was about the point that I started laughing so hard that a little bit of pee may or may not have come out. This is possibly the best and/or funniest search term that has ever brought people to this site.

eat the pussy up, thanksgiving! like marvin ya body need some sexual healing: I literally couldn’t think for a couple minutes after this one from laughing. I love that this site is now associated with not only rap music but shitty rap music at that. God bless America.

natalie portman yeah i had a baby but im still crazy so show my ass respect cause i make that fucking gravy: This has to be something off of The Lonely Island. I’m going to assume it was the 100th clip of all of that. That’s the only explanation.

dangerrers++big+ass: I think I just need to blame this one on one of those bot searches otherwise…no, I can’t actually think of a reason this would fit for here.

true blue test cat food.cob antelope: It started out okay, like perhaps looking for an obscure brand of cat food. Then it hit antelope and it all went off the rails badly.

erotic story pregnant woman crying in bathroom comforted by brother towel falls he’s erect they have sex:…is there really even any need for my site after this? I mean, it’s pretty clear what is being searched for and is also pretty clear that I’m not really okay with it and the specificity.

i fucked an asian milf at the venetian in vegas last weekend: Cool story, bro. Are you just bragging or looking to find someone to commiserate with?

he who laughs last probably has an extra chromosome: I’m not even going to lie. I love this joke. It makes me laugh every time. I hate myself.

pink ranger kim fucked by alpha: This one actually made me wave my hands in the air in shock and confusion. Out of anyone in the Power Rangers canon, you want to see the ROBOT fucking her? You couldn’t pick the black guy or the gay one?

“go for the balls” friend: That’s not a great friend.

skyrim girl argonian fucking a boy dragon pics: And now we’re getting stuck with furries. Awesome. That’s totally what I want associated with my site. I’d rather they just kill themselves (along with a certain other person) and leave room for the nubile barely-legal redheads flooding to the site.

st helens sluts: Does this exist? I really want to know. Are there people that get all hot and bothered over volcanoes?

f-valium sterilization food.com: Annnnnnnd now we’re picking up the conspiracy theorists as well. Fantastic. We’re a racial separatist away from a bingo.

-=8[flr.skrrkk: Awesome. Someone had a seizure and died and it just happened to lead them here. Hope you enjoyed your stay, brief as it was!

cousin’s cousin eats cat at home sex videos: Come on now. The cousin-fucking was the main thing here. You can try to mask it with cat eating all you want but we all know what you’re here for. Also, we’re not interested.

http://www.toilet eats the food sex: I’m starting to sense a trend and it’s the worrying combination of food, sex, and toilet humor. No, wait, that’s the site itself, really.

“red dress” morgan freeman oscars cleavage 2012: What in the HELL? How do you mix up Morgan Freeman and Anne Hathaway? I shiver at the thought.

what vhappens when its you first felony and get busted with 8 ball of cocain?: Well, what happens is you go to jail for like ten years. And then your asshole gets raped by big, mean bikers. Hopefully somewhere in that period gives you time to learn how to spell correctly. Enjoy the buttsex!

racism kama sutra: This made me giggle a lot. The Kama Sutra is kind of the antithesis of racists, although you could make awful names for sex positions like the Hanging [insert racial epithet here] or something like that. No, I’m not proud of that joke. Yes, I’m a little uncomfortable with it.

toons 18 mighty morphin power rangers pond sex fuck: Most of this I can understand. It’s the word ‘pond’ that confuses me. Does it mean that the person searching can’t get off to Power Ranger sex if it doesn’t take place on or near a landlocked body of water? Do they need ducks quacking to stimulate them? Are frogs making it more kinky? I don’t know!

you fapping’ muppet you why i oughta: Yep, those are the people that come to this site. Sorry for the ripoff, Bill Simmons.
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That actually makes me a little sad. People are so messed up. But hey, traffic is traffic so…come one, come all, come at the same time you freaks. DECF is here to serve your needs!