Dan Eats Cat Food’s Inferno: Circle Four: The Porner

Posted: May 19, 2010 by kaostheory in Inferno
Tags: , , ,

Resolving myself to not being surprised upon entry to the Fourth Circle as the other three had been, I queried Astley on the long, dusty road between that which we had left behind and that which we were moving towards. He seemed a tad uncomfortable, which was rare from what I had see from him. Usually, he was gregarious and happy and perhaps a little cheesy, but still wise and comforting. Thus, his behavior struck me as odd yet I did not waver in my questioning.

“Poet, what may we expect as we approach the Fourth Circle?”

“Friend, we are encountering – in the next four rings – those who are obsessed with that which the Internet provides in such immeasurable quantity: sexuality.”

“Four circles dedicated thusly? That hardly seems to be an appropriate number, especially when one circle alone could suffice.”

“It is not up to me – or you – to judge. Circles Four and Five – the former which we shall enter soon – hold those with passive sexuality. Six and Seven – located within the City of Diss – hold those with active sexuality.”

“The difference being?”

“In time, Kaos. In time it will be explained. For now, less us enter the Fourth Circle. Squint your eyes, friend. I do not wish you to go blind.”

“Why would I?”

“Do not question me on this. For your own sake, do so now.”

I determined that my guide was not being facetious or merely wishing to see me appear as if I were French Stewart or a racist caricature of an Asian. I squinted and Heaven help me, I was glad I did. As we walked through the entrance, the room around me virtually exploded in violent purples and pinks and greens and neons of every conceivable shade – including black which unto that point had remained a mystery to me. Loud throbbing techno muffled all but the most high-pitched squeals, all of which emanated from the corridor in front of us. Lining the corridor were a multitude of glass windows, all containing women – and a sparse number of men – in various stages of dress and undress. They writhed and moaned and ground their perfectly purchased breasts and behinds and genitalia against the glass in front of them. Standing before all the windows were thousands upon thousands of men, all weeping quietly.

“Why do these men weep so, poet?”

“Gaze upon them. Do you notice what they are lacking?”

I could not but upon further review, the sight was horrifying. All the men had had their hands and feet removed and their mouths sewn shut.

“How horrible!”

“Indeed. The Fourth Circle contains those who would indulge in pornography to an enormous extent. These men you see before you dedicated their lives to the pursuit of pornographic pleasure, setting aside all else and spamming the Internet with their low-grade smut. Their punishment is to be faced with the very objects of their desire, right in front of their eyes. Yet, they have no possible way to masturbate. Not with their hands or feet. Not setting aside their homophobia and using their mouths on another. Even their excretory cavities have been closed off to the world. They sit, projections quivering, but release shall never come.”

“Eternal indigo of their groins. How awful.”

“Truly a horrific fate. Come, we must go deeper. You have yet to see the others that populate this circle, the yin and the yang. The polar opposites. The wasteful and the hoarders.”

“Those sound like actual sins, Astley.”

“Indeed they are. Look. See the two sides of the purchasing coin.”

In the middle of the room we had entered stood two large groups of men, one pushing the left edge of a massive credit card through a scanner, the other pushing the other way. I attempted to speak to them but none responded.

“Why can they not acknowledge my presence?”

“They cannot hear you. They are caught in an endless struggle. On the left, those who had money in life, yet still insisted on downloading or torrenting pornography from pirate programs such as Kazaa or Limewire. They intentionally deprived the industry and the professionals of their hard-earned money. Those that gave them so much pleasure had their livelihoods damaged by these thieves who refused to give up money for paid content. On the right, those who had no money to spend on such frivilous things, yet subscribed to dozens of paysites, foregoing food or diapers for their young or even a water bill in order to feed their lustful cravings. Even in the face of mounting poverty, they paid hundreds of dollars a month for pornography. Nobody would begrudge THEM a download or two. Yet still they paid all they had. For their sins, they are damned to swipe – or prevent from being swiped – the credit card for all eternity, neither side bending, neither side relenting until it has been moved. It shall never be moved.”

“Such strange fortunes these men suffer.”

“Fortunes they may be. Lady Fortune is a fickle creature. In the span of weeks or months, she may bestow upon a website clip after clip of wonderful, brilliant, high-quality pornography. Asian, interracial, lesbian. It matters not. The quality will be impeccable, the downloads swift, the buffering instantaneous. The site shall become the Mecca for those who wish to masturbate. Entire aisles of Kleenex will be bought and sold on the back of the site. But then she will turn on them. There will be no reason involved. Suddenly all that will come across the site will be grainy, amateur and filled with BBWs. Men will recoil in horror at the vast expanse of chest hair on the males and will click away to a different site. Soon, the few remaining good videos will be removed due to copyright violation and the site shall die. From bits they come. To bytes they die. And so does Lady Fortune weave her tale across the Internet. So it shall always be.”

“That was quite eloquent.”

“And so it should have been. Come. Let us enjoy the fruits that this circle has given us. Though the damned may not indulge themselves on those women in the windows, there is nothing that prevents us from doing so.”

And so it was. And so we did.

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