Rupert the Drunk: St. Patrick’s Day Special

Posted: March 17, 2009 by pred3000 in Uncategorized

From the depths of the bottle came one man inspired to do the most random things while slowly becoming smashed. To add insult to injury, he decided to track his progress. This man is named Rupert. These are his adventures:

Rupert the Drunk attempts to Out Drink an Irishman

1 min-OK, so today is St. Patricks Day.  I asked the day off work and now its time to go bar hopping.  Well, there is this Irish pub I love to go, and it looks like its jumping.  So, off I go

5 min-Alright, my first drink of St. Patrick’s Day! It’s a Newcastle.  I tend to start light.  The day is still young my friends!

15 min-OK, so I’ve had three of these Newcastles,  but there is this one jerk who keeps stalking me.  He has this weird accent and insists on singing the same damn song about the blarney stone.  Ok, seriously dude, knock it off?

17 min-So, now I am in this drinking contest with the Irishman singing his damn songs.  I am not scared in the least.  Maybe this will get him to shut up.  We have ten shot glasses set up…let’s see what happens

25 min-So, we are three into the game.  My face feels a little weird.  Not as weird as his red face must feel.  Hey!  I ate your leprechauns bitch!

30 min-Woo.  So far, neither of us have…uh..turn the music down!

33 min- OK, we are halfway through, and they are brining more shots for the next round.  I am not scared.  Hey!  Go fire bomb a fish and chips shop!  Don’t think you can outdrink me!

40 min-we have…seven done…wow.  What did I say about that damn music?  There is some green paper on the table.  They must be exchanging…what’s that stuff…money over this contest.  I am still…wow…chair almost fell right then.

45 min-ten in….this guy is really starting to piss me off.   He acts as though nothing has happened.  Bastard!  Do you think for a second I’m not onto you?  Your country’s novelists suck!  Joyce was a drunk!  What?  What?  I don’t know, didn’t he write Go Dog Go or something?

55 min-second round has started.  We both had to get a water.  What is in these shots?  Should have probably found that out before starting this.  I just wanted some Newcaslte.  What?  What?  I know it’s mispelled.  I meant to do that?  No, I am not going to change it!  It’s much more raw if it stays mispelled.  Did I mention your novelists suck?

Editor’s Note: When I attempted to change the spelling, Rupert became quite belligerent.  Meanwhile, Peter (the Irishman in competition against our plucky hero) proceeded to laugh at the whole thing and speak in a language we are not sure can be identified as English.

1 hour-Hahaha.  Thought he was going down!  Man isn’t even stating anything.  He talks like one of those…huh….shit!  Glomptor!!!!

Editors Note: Glomptor just turned out to be Peter’s eight year old son.  He was already on his third beer of the day.

1 hr 5 min-Alright, alright.  Is this thing still going on?  What, what?  This isn’t over yet?

Editor’s note: At this point, Rupert fainted, technically putting him out of the game.  However, he seemed not grasp this concept. He jumped on top of the nearest table in an attempt to gain attention

1 hr 10 minutes-Rule Britannia!

Editor’s Note: At this point, Rupert was beaten to a bloody pulp and was dropped outside of the closest emergency room.

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